Wednesday, April 23, 2008

All is unkind in love and war

I have taken my best efforts to produce change in my life always.  I have decided to just let it pass and wait it out.  It's not effort.  It's woman.  I am changing by deciding to not change at all.  This constant effort to strive is exactly what prevents me from having very good relationships with woman.  There's no stability with me.  They can't just have a moment/breakdown/mood and it be OK with me.  Well I'm here to say that's OK.  It must be my Gemini influence that prevented me for all these years.  It never makes sense to me and I am always left with a feeling as though I have done something wrong.  I'm over my own guilt.  It's not insensitivity, but rather a higher level of understanding.  I'm by no means saying woman are weak.  What I am saying is that I just simply don't understand where all this emotion comes from.  As I child I use to be more emotional, but that was more frustration from my high expectations.  Maybe I still am emotional, but my logic has killed that part off.  It's time I feel for my emotional side to rise up.  I think it was slowly beaten out of me I fear.  I believed in the non-emotional man.  It was weakness.  We cannot show our weakness, because others will take advantage of this, bad decisions will be made, and energy will be diverted to non-productive activities.  Connecting with people who see that I'm not just a robot is not a waste so in comes the emotions.  Especially since I always lead.  I want to lead.  And I think people don't see me as the new kind of leader because I have no humanity.  Success has followed me though most of my career, but I am not successful with woman in a long term environment.  Maybe no one really is.  Maybe my expectations are too high of myself.  I don't have a problem getting involved with woman, sometimes beautiful, smart, and sexy all wrapped up into one.  I do have a problem because all the emotions start flying when expectations start failing, things aren't working, and nobody is getting their way.  There's much more to explain and I don't think I did a good job, but I will go back and work it over late.  Have a great day.

No comments: